If only Cancer just stayed Cancer

Part of the overwhelming nature of Cancer isn't just fighting off the illness itself. There are so many side-effects. All the medications I take for a start each have their warning labels that tell me that not only might they beat back the Cancer itself but that they might be hard on my kidneys, I might experience a lack of certain vitamins and minerals, I will have the shakes and I will sweat so profusely at nights that I have to sleep between bath sheets to save my poor sheets, mattress and pillow. I take medications to fight off the effects of the other medications and so it goes on.

This week, I remembered another side-effect of both the cancer and the treatment that they had warned me was a possibility. I had been put on aspirin from the beginning of my treatment because multiple myeloma has the reputation of producing blood clots. This threat was increased by taking the fabulous chemotherapy drug, Revlimid (said completely without sarcasm as it is one of the life-saving drugs.) I have dutifully taken the aspirin every day and thought nothing more of it until this week.

As I have mentioned previously, I have been pain free and off my pain meds now for some weeks and enjoying the freedom of movement that has brought me. For a few weeks now I have been experiencing an increasing pain in my left calf. This past week, this has escalated to becoming a nuisance as I hobble around. I mentioned it to Jan our PA doctor at our regular meeting this week, expressing fear that I have developed a blood clot. An appointment for an ultrasound on my leg was dutifully made in South Jordan for yesterday.

I have been through so much that nerves were just not part of that appointment but they should have been there. At the end of the ultrasound the technician informed me that yes, I had a blood clot in my leg that needed immediate and ongoing treatment: serious blood thinners. The idea of an extra tablet to add to my growing stash was one thing but then it was revealed to me that I would have to inject myself in the stomach with the blood thinner on a daily basis for at least the next six months. I am already getting twice weekly injections of a chemotherapy drug in my stomach plus an additional twice-monthly injection to kick start my kidneys into producing red blood cells. However, these injections are administered by the nursing staff in their yellow cover-alls and double gloves. This one is going to be all me, a daunting possibility. I will keep you posted as to how I am doing with them.

Some of you may have noticed a different kind of side-effect of the cancer that is not really spoken about often. I have noticed a change in my personality that I am not entirely sure is welcome in all quarters. I have become much more blunt than ever before. I have always believed in speaking my mind but since the cancer diagnosis, this has gone up a notch. It is as if my mind and my emotions are telling me, "You have no time to pussy foot around this issue, speak your mind."

I learned about this side-effect many years ago when we discovered that my former father-in-law had cancer and was given only a month to live. He literally died a month later but in his final days, he experienced a change in his personality where he spoke his mind, clearly and forcefully, even about the smallest of things. Example? His wife had been cooking his eggs a certain way for all of their married life. After his diagnosis, he told her that this needed to change because he preferred them cooked differently. A seemingly small, insignificant detail but illustrative of his new-found truth telling.

Let me give you an example closer to home now. I have many well-meaning and loving people who have read about different alternative cures for cancer or at the least, they offer advice about getting through it. I have taken each one of the suggestions and weighed them up against the advice of my wonderful doctors. Some advice becomes useful and others not so much. Recently, the wife of a friend of Alan's asked me in the supermarket car park if I was using Doterra oils in my fight with the cancer. I told her, no. She then became insistent saying, "You should." My new-found bluntness came to play and I said emphatically in return, "No." I had reached my limit of well-meaning advice and was not ready to take one more shred of it. She took it graciously, thank goodness, but I may not have reacted quite so forcefully prior to the diagnosis.

Doterra oils suggested for anxiety

This increase in bluntness I also gather comes with increasing age so there is no getting around it. However, there is a large part of me that is enjoying the freedom of not being frightened to express myself openly. It may be tougher for those around me but given how short life seems to be, I make no apologies for speaking my truth. Yes, I may need to refine HOW I speak that truth but I leave fair warning that dressing up my statements to please others is no longer a priority for me. Life really is too short.