My recent weeks have been full of constant nausea, bouts of diarrhea, and low grade fevers. Most of these days I have have spent either in bed or hugging my security blanket while sitting in my favorite chair, staring into space. On one of the days, the diarrhea and vomiting got so bad that we called the hospital and I was sent into acute care, given a bag of IV fluid and sent back home.With a cancer diagnosis and my constant chemotherapy treatments I had assumed that this was all part of the journey, heading towards being made well some day into the future. It was all going to be worth it right? Imagine my surprise when I had my six weekly visit recently with Dr. Atanackovich and his PA, Jan to see the look of confusion on their faces as I described what I had be experiencing. It turns out that my latest tests tell them I have been responding well to the treatments and my cancer levels are low according. I should have been feeling much better in fact. So what was going on?
My doctors decided that I needed a full barrage of tests to find out, including a COVID19 check which fortunately turned out negative. However, the X-rays showed what they called "opacities" in one of my lungs. They started me immediately on antibiotics to treat me for pneumonia. Moral of the story, don't make assumptions about my own health. Not everything has to be cancer related.
Second lesson: As many of you may know, I have always loved food and have used it as my comfort, my joy in many instances and my struggle as I have worked to maintain a healthy weight. With the chemotherapy and cancer, all of that has changed. Almost everything now tastes horrible, like metal, and I can't remember the last time I even felt hungry. I have gone completely vegetarian as meat is something I can't handle. Many of my former favorite foods are off the list like breads and crackers, cottage cheese, yogurt, FRUIT!!! Lol I can't even bear to look at all the pictures of food constantly posted on Facebook and I look away from the huge billboards with food advertised on them as I make my way to my hospital appointments because they instantly make me feel nauseous. I have this list of around a dozen things that I can handle but nothing that really makes me want to eat. As a result I have been struggling to maintain my weight. With feeling ill these past weeks this has only gotten worse and I became lighter last week than at any other time in my adult life.
This has not had good consequences as I have woken up each day feeling weak and shaky from the lack of good food. As I spoke with the dietitian last week when she phoned all concerned about my most recent weight loss she had suggestions for food that I told her I had already tried to no success. Then she said two magic words that shook me up, "Feeding tube". If we didn't get this food thing sorted out and stop the weight loss then that would be the next step. What a change those words have made for me. Food doesn't taste any better but as I am taking a mouthful of something new I am trying, I keep repeating those words in my head: "feeding tube," "feeding tube". It works and I am adding to my list of foods that I can handle. Still vegetarian, still no breads etc but my husband made me a mean risotto and then a great cream of cauliflower soup. Life is definitely getting better and I think I might be able to avoid that feeding tube after all.In the midst of all these difficulties lies the good news for which I need to be grateful: I am responding well to the treatment and it is kicking cancer in the butt! The doctors are very pleased with my progress and there is promise of good things ahead. Watch this space!
